I have been given the opportunity to be a part of a group participating in what has been named, “The 90 Days Retreat.” It is an online group designed to cover several modules in the areas of self-growth. The first module being all about self-worth. Cue the heavy hitter right off the bat. Self-worth has been something I have struggled with most of my life, like many others out there. I find myself dealing with this idea of self-worth on a regular basis, from the way that I talk to myself and the language I use when I make a mistake let’s say, to the way that I question whether or not I should take a risk on myself and try something new, even as far as to questioning if I truly deserve happiness. This idea of self-worth ties into some similar feelings about shame that many of us in recovery grapple with throughout our journey.
For me shame and self-worth are some things I continually struggle with after over seven years of continued abstinence. I can easily bring myself back to a place where I feel less than and as though I do not deserve the good things I currently have in my life, despite having worked so hard for them. The difference between my days of using and my recovery is that I have many more tools to be able to handle these bouts, so much so that I can even begin to heal from many of these deep seeded wounds, many that go back to childhood.
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